I finally figured out how to get this picture from facebook onto here. I got my first tattoo at age 51!! I got it last September, on the 6 month anniversary of my surgery. I didn't do that on purpose..I didn't even realize it was my 6 month anniversary until I was filling out the paperwork and then realized it was 9/22. Perfect day to do it!

I loooove my tattoo!!!! I never thought I'd get one, ever!!! I had been thinking about getting one for a couple years and was going to get one to represent how I feel about FL. When we had to move back to Michigan I was soooo depressed for a long time and was trying to think of something to get. Then I got diagnosed with breast cancer and it shifted my thoughts to a different kind of tattoo. Matt kept telling me to get a pink ribbon on my new boob lol, but I didn't want that. Then I read an interview with Kelly Clarkson and she has this on her rib cage only without the pink ribbon as the Y. I had seen a billboard about dense breasts and the danger they are to women and they used the ribbon as the Y and I loved it. I had heard that a lot of breast cancer survivors were using Kelly's song, Stronger, as their anthem so I looked it up on youtube and watched the video. I LOVED IT!! That's when I decided to get this tattoo. The bracelet is from my sister friend, Tracy, a birthday gift.


Marge

New Life

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. Women who when I was getting my surgery, they were just finding out they were BRCA positive, or they were trying to decide what to do. Now a few of them have had their surgeries and are having a hard time. One isn't healing as fast as she wants to, infections, etc and very discouraged. I say to her, hang in there!!! Things get better and life goes back to normal. Don't regret doing this for yourself, your family, because very soon you will be all healed and living life again and you will be thankful to not have to worry about breast cancer.

All the decisions we have to make before surgery is tough. I'm thankful to be past all of that. I can't wait to read when they are past it all and feeling normal again. It takes time. I think I healed extraordinarily fast and well. I really didn't have too many problems and some of the problems I did have resolved themselves pretty much on their own over time. Matt and I remembered about the torture strap the other day. We both had forgotten about that horrible strap I had to wear for a few weeks because my implants were too high. Looking back, I don't think it did much for me. Same with the lipo I had done under my arms. I felt like my breasts were in my arms way back then but I think what it was, was they were still swelled up and they are high now. My old breasts suffered from being too huge and gravity had left lol. So I didn't feel them next to my arms. It just took some time to get used to. When my plastic surgeon discussed lipo with me when I complained, I thought he was going to do it on the sides of my breasts. I was surprised to come out of surgery and find out it was under my arms. Just takes time to adjust to this new life. Now that a year has passed since diagnosis and 9 1/2 months since surgery, things are all back to normal and I'm ready for a new phase in my life.


P.S. I'm going to try to post a picture of what I did for myself after surgery.

Time Flies

Well, today is my one year anniversary. I can't believe a whole year has passed since I found out about my breast cancer. It definitely doesn't feel like it. It was such a horrible, sobering day. I'll never forget it, every detail. I was so scared, so lost. I didn't know what to do. There were a million decisions to be made and I was so lost as to what to do.

Looking back now, I can't believe how much I held it together through all of this. Things could have been a lot worse. I couldn't caught it a lot later than I did and had to have faced chemo and other scary things, but thank God I did yearly mammograms and caught it at it's earliest stage. They had been watching area's in my breast for a few years because I had a lot of calcifications and had very dense breasts, meaning it was very hard to see. The mammo tech explained it like a really dense fog and how you can't see through it. That's how they'd see my mammo.

I was just talking to Matt about this and wondering if this radiologist caught something that had been there the last year, maybe more, or did it just turn into cancer last year? I always had to go back for second looks, ultrasounds, etc, because they couldn't see good enough. Did they just let it go every year because they couldn't see it? Or was last year the year it went to cancer? I'll never know how long I had cancer before it was found. I'm just SO THANKFUL it was found. and found early.

I have absolutely no regrets for getting the bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. None, not one. Especially since they found signs of DCIS in my right breast. I am so thankful I don't have to worry about it coming back in 5, 10, 20 years. And thankful I don't have to be checked with MRI's and ultrasounds every 6 months. After all, the MRI didn't pick up the beginnings of the DCIS, so how comfortable would I feel depending on it to find anything else?

And, as a bonus, I love my new breasts. Yes, they are partially numb and that can be bothersome sometimes. Sometimes they itch, which I don't understand because how can something that has no tissue inside itch?? And when I scratch I can't feel it. That's strange. They are hard now. They have softened up over the past 8 months, but they are still pretty darn firm! I LOVE LOVE LOVE not owning any bra's!!!!! Very freeing!!! Especially in the summer!!! And this summer I bought my first non underwire bathing suit!!! And was amazed to just pull it over my head and over my boobs and it was on!!!! loved that!!!

I've learned a lot over this past year. Things COULD be worse. Life is short. Don't sweat the small stuff. Live like you were dying. Love freely. Laugh. Life is good. I'm happier now. when you're faced with thoughts of death and leaving people behind and you get pulled back, you are thankful, happy, content. I sometimes wonder, why me? Why did I get spared? Why did I get a second chance? So many people don't. They find their cancer late...any kind of cancer..and it's too late and they suffer and their families suffer watching them suffer and then agonize over them suffering and then they're gone. I'm so thankful I got this second chance and I plan to take every advantage of it. Matt got diagnosed with diabetes a couple months ago and we're changing our lives. We're changing the way we eat. Eating healthier, more fruits, more veggies, more chicken, less red meat. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm taking care of myself. I want to LIVE. I want to be healthy. And not to be cliche, but I want to see my grandchildren. I want to be an old lady someday and they come stay with Grammie and have memories of me with them. I have so much to live for and thank God I get that chance!!!!

Happy healthy anniversary to me!

Thank you

Well, I am all done with the plastic surgeon. I went a couple Friday's ago to get my stitches out and it was my last visit with him! No follow ups!! He asked me if I had any questions and handed me an ID card for my implants, in case I go to another plastic surgeon or move out of state and need work on them. I also learned that they can identify you in death by them!!! Freaky! I was shocked when he told me I was all done....and thrilled!!! I have an appt with the breast surgeon on the 22nd and I'm hoping she says the same thing!

I am so thrilled with my new boobs and my scars and everything. I don't think I could've asked for a better job done. I've read on some other blogs that their PS's don't want to do the cut underneath the breasts because it's too much pressure on the incision line. I haven't had one bit of problem with that. The only scar you can see on me is in my cleavage and I think that's only because it's still pretty pink. Underneath has faded out a lot and if the one in between fades like that, I will be more than happy. I'm still amazed at how good of a job he did after looking at so many mastectomy pictures and scars on the internet to prepare myself.

I am 100% back to normal. I am doing everything just like before breast cancer. I feel great (except for the weight I gained stress eating my way through all of this, ugh), am very grateful and thankful and have a whole new outlook on life. I talked to someone yesterday who had a single mastectomy done 22 years ago, had an implant put in and she gave me some really encouraging words. I feel a lot better having talked with her and knowing life goes on and pretty soon I won't even think about the implants on a daily basis. She said I will always think about the breast cancer, it changes you. You realize how precious life is and you don't take it for granted. I told her I have some days where I can't believe this has happened to me and she said I need to find a way to help others. That makes all the difference in the world. To share the knowledge I gained through this and help someone else who doesn't know what to do and has no one to turn to. Just like I was. And to never forget what God has given me. A new lease on life, a fresh start. (For those of you close to me, it was Steve's mom. what a wonderful lady!!!!)

I want to thank everyone for all of their support. All my friends and family and people out there in the blogging world who have followed me. Support helped me a lot while going through this. So did all the blogs I read. Really nice to read others going through it so you know what to expect. I appreciate all the phone calls and kindness everyone has shown me through all of this. I owe everything in the world to my WONDERFUL, SUPPORTIVE best friend/husband, Matt. He has been the best thing in my life since 1989 and especially through all of this. And still is while I sometimes struggle with things. I could NEVER ask for a better man, husband, shoulder, brain, rock, friend.

Also to my friend Kari. You have been there for me since the day I found out I had cancer. When I couldn't tell anyone else anything because I didn't want to talk about it before Christmas, there you were. You have been right there to listen and offer support and help and a really good shoulder and heart too. I really, really cherish our friendship and always will, forever. Thanks for being a TRUE friend to me through this. It means the world to me.

So people, I guess that's it for my breast cancer blog. I don't really have anything to write about as far as breast cancer goes. THANK GOD!!!!!!!! I MADE IT!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! I'M FREE!!!!! THANK. THE. LORD.

Marge :)

Week 9 surgery

Well, week 9 has come and gone. Seems surreal. I went in Thursday and had my last reconstruction surgery. Went different this time. Not all the tests before surgery, just change into gown, get the IV...which the nurse couldn't do! Bruised up both my hands! When I had my mastectomy that nurse had no problem! Plastic surgeon came in and drew all over me. Marked where the ports were, marked for the lipo and marked where I wanted my cleavage done over. I didn't really like how he did it the first time, they were too close together. Crazy how you can just pick how you want your boobs to look and a dr says, ok, we can do that. Want more roundness and definition? Ok, we'll suck some fat out here. Strange.

The nurse told me when I was ready to go in she would give me a shot to relax me and it would work in 30 seconds to 1 minute. She was right! I remember watching her put it in my IV and I kinda remember kissing Matt. He said he had to jump up to kiss me goodbye because they immediately started wheeling me away. Last time, all the people that were going to be in on the surgery were waiting in the OR. This time they were all gathered around me in pre op and followed me in. I had an entourage! lol. Last thing I remember was someone telling me to slide onto the operating table. Don't remember going down the hall, coming into the room, the mask, nothing. 

Woke up around 1 and they started pushing food and water at me, made me go to the bathroom and asked if I was ready to go home! I was out of there by 2pm, home by 3! Matt came in and sat with me in post op. I was sore, but not too bad. The nurse kept asking me if I wanted a vicodin and I told her I didn't like them. She kept saying I better stay on top of the pain, I was still feeling the anesthesia. That freaked me out cause I knew how bad I was hurting the first time around and didn't want to go there again! But also didn't want to be sick from the vicodin either. So I decided to take ONE, eat this time instead of having an empty stomach and see what happened. At 6:30 that night I said, oh, it's been 5 hours since I took pain meds and I have no pain, guess I'm good! Matt says, Woman, you are a bad ass!! LOL! But seriously, I really had no pain. I was sore of course, I'd been cut and rammed with the lipo wand, but nothing I even needed Motrin for.

We came home and just sat around and watched tv for the rest of the night and day, got a pizza for dinner. I was all bandaged up and dying to see my new cleavage but couldn't. I could see however all the dark purple bruising forming under my arms, where your bra goes!!! Wow!!! And it kept getting bigger and darker. And it really grosses me out to have stitches, especially in my cleavage. I was surprised to see them cause he glued me from the mastectomy. I have about a million little tiny stitches. Again I will say, Dr A knows his work! He's good! I'm thrilled with the results!!! I have a couple single stitches here and there from where he went in for the lipo too. They all come out this next Friday.

Lipo isn't as bad as I feared. My sides are SUPER tender and bruised bad, but I think it's going to be worth it. My chest, by my arm pits, isn't bruised at all but it's really tender. And it goes in now instead of having what I called a fat bubble right there. Too bad I'm 51 and not 21, cause I could wear a tube top now, for once in my life! My boobs are small enough and no fat would hang over!!!!! 

I had to go back to the dr Friday and get the bandages removed. Then we stopped to visit my sister Jill and then we went to about a million garage sales...that's how good I felt! BUT, I think getting in and out of the car and the car seat hitting me right in the bruised area every time I did, got to me by 5pm. I was more than ready to come home and sit still!

Soooo, I'm all done! I have my appt Friday for the stitches and I'm assuming probably a couple more follow ups with him, but that was my last surgery!!!!!! I am so thrilled to be past this. I am so thrilled to have kicked it's butt! I am so thrilled to have made it with no problems and come out on the wonderful side I did!!! 

So happy & grateful!!!!!!!!!

Week 8

Well, tomorrow marks 8 weeks. I am completely back to normal. I'm doing everything I was doing before with no pain, no restrictions, just like before. Getting used to the feeling of my new additions. Things feel different now. More firm than I've ever been. Sometimes so firm they are in my way! But getting used to it. Aggravating sometimes, but better than having breast cancer.


Went to the plastic surgeon today. He scheduled me to have the next procedure done, getting the ports off of the implants. I am at my desired, much smaller size and love it. So he will remove the tubing and ports and also going to do some lipo suction on the sides because I complained that they feel like they are in my armpits and he said he could suck some of the fat off the sides and make it less bulky. Also going to do a little at the top, near my armpits, on the front, for the same reasons. I am not thrilled with having lipo done, scares me, which made the nurse laugh because I'm afraid of the lipo after having a double mastectomy. I said yeah, that sounds dumb! He said because of where the lipo takes place he will not be able to RAM the tube thing so it will be a more gentle procedure than what you see on tv. Which also means there could be less bruising. Recovery time is 2 days, so yay for that! 


Hopefully that is the last procedure I have to do. I'm soooo ready to be done with this! I know it's only been 8 weeks, but I feel I've been going through all of this since my diagnosis, December 14th, which means 5 months and I am really ready to be done and no more dr's!! I know there are people out there doing chemo and radiation for months at a time and my heart goes out to them. There's also people who have the expanders in and are getting fills and going to the dr for months too, so I know I'm lucky to have all this done in just 8 short weeks, but it still feels like forever.


For mothers day Kari got me a tshirt that says, yeah, they're fake! My real ones tried to kill me! Thought that was funny! And today I got my pink survivor bracelet in the mail that I will proudly and happily wear! Soooo glad I caught this so early and was able to stomp on it til it was gone and can go on and live my life! 


Another update after my outpatient surgery next week.

Week 6

Normalcy!! That's what week 6 is all about! I feel pretty much normal again. I guess it's a new normal cause obviously my boobs feel different, but it's a good normal. No pain left at all. Everything is healed up good and looking really good! Again I will say my plastic surgeon did an awesome job!


I've been working in the yard all week. I still get tired easier than I used to and it frustrates me to no end! I have things to do and I can't stand not being able to do them! Matt says it's from sitting around for 4-5 weeks, I'll have to build my muscles and stamina back up. It makes me mad to get so tired that I have to go sit down in the middle of my to do list. And even worse that sometimes I just can't finish it. I know, I know, it's only been 6 weeks since I had major surgery! But I feel so good that I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want/need to.


I am thrilled to feel this good after just 6 weeks, believe me. I think I was pretty lucky in the healing process. I have to say I was more patient than I thought I would be. I don't have a lot of patience!! I followed dr's orders, didn't do my housework or shopping or anything without help until I got the go ahead and maybe that's why I have felt so good through this process.


We were talking today about week 1 and how I couldn't even stand to take a shower without almost ending up in tears from the pain and being soooo tired I HAD to sit down NOW. How showering was such an ordeal and task with the drains hanging around my neck and how Matt had to dry me off, wash my hair cause I couldn't reach up there, dress me. I am soooo thankful to be past that. 6 weeks flew by, yet it seems so long ago.


I have no regrets of my decision and never will. I am cancer free, no worries, no tests, no drugs. And I love my new small boobs! All you women out there with small boobs wishing you had big ones, no you don't!! Believe me! Small ones are soooo much better! ;)